june 18, 2026

Dear journal,

I want to write down this chapter of my life before time moves on and the details begin to fade.

I fell in love with an Italian man while I was studying abroad. For the following year of my life, I found myself going back and forth between Milan and America.

I met him through a mutual friend in October 2025. We quickly became close. We had both recently gotten out of relationships, so we intended for it to be nothing more than friends with benefits. Little did we know, our feelings would grow, and before long we were spending nearly every day together.

He would make the long trip to see me almost every day without hesitation. He genuinely wanted to know all of me. He would cook for me and my friends, welcomed the people I loved into his life, and slowly became a part of mine. Somewhere along the way, he also helped me become a better person. One of my favorite memories of ours is the night we spent cooking together or riding our bikes throughout Milan near the duomo. He knew I loved tulips, so one day he surprised me with a date where we picked tulips in a field and he spent the entire day taking pictures of me. Every time I flew back, he would be waiting for me at the airport with my favorite flowers and food in his hands.

One week, I came down with a fever that lasted for days. He barely left my side. He stayed home with me, cooked every meal, made sure I rested, ran to the grocery store whenever I needed something, and took care of me every hour of every day. I have never forgotten how loved and safe I felt that week. We also traveled to Naples and Florence together, where we spent our days simply eating our way through the cities. Oh not to mention no swag gap. I genuinely thought we looked good together. Our styles just naturally complemented each other. More than once, people have taken pictures of us and it just made me feel like we belonged in those cities together. One of my other favorite things about him of many is how effortlessly he moves through different languages. I always admired that about him. But even more than that, he is simply a genuinely good person to be around. He plans everything so thoughtfully and always makes sure I'm okay before thinking about himself. When I was back in America, he made the distance feel smaller. He would stay up late or wake up early just so we could call each other. He never made communication feel like a chore. Even my sister and brother grew to love him despite only knowing him through phone calls. Whenever I was overwhelmed balancing internships, work, and school, he was always the first person to check in on me.

Being with him was just so easy. He was a friend before a significant other. Loving him felt like the most natural thing in the world because our friendship came first. We decided to put everything on stop when I came back to America in August. As much as we loved each other, we both knew neither of us could ask the other to put our lives on hold. I couldn't imagine asking him to leave behind his family, friends, and life in Italy, just as he could never ask me to give up everything I had built in America. He’s still a great friend and I will always think of him so fondly. I'm going back to Milan for less than a day on June 30, and we're going to meet one last time. I don't know what the future holds, but I have a feeling this may be the last time I ever see him.

Favorite memories:

Smoking cigarettes after sex because we both love the artist cigarettes after sex

Taking me around his hometown crema

Surprising my with flowers all the time, including the times i was back in america

Cooking amatriciana for me or ragu

Cooking for my friends and i. Spent that evening drunk and dancing and talking. Then walked around milan. Took lots of pictures.went home that night with a fever from the cold so he had to take care of me lol

Naples together. And florence. And him just planning everything

Thirdwheeling me and X all the time. Hes just a guy whos always used around girls and i love it.

Lol pranking that X (gay) has a crush on him

Him showing me to his friends and skiing together.

Whenever we argue about who takes up the bed

When i had stomach problems and farted so much it stank the whole room for the day

Whenever were in the elevator of my apartment and took pictures all the time in it

Scootering me around milan and also biking

Taking me to intermilan game