i can’t sleep

jan 6, 2026

i can’t sleep tonight. as tired as i am, sleep won’t come. i worked two shifts today, from 6 am to 10 pm, then went to a friend’s place after. for the first time in a long time, i’m awake with no escape. my friends know me as the one who can fall asleep within minutes. tonight, my mind won’t slow down. there are too many thoughts racing through me. i just graduated college. i’m going to vietnam. i’ll be traveling and working away from home this summer. in august, i’m officially moving out of state to start my full time job. all of these things excite me deeply. i think about them every day. how lucky i am to be here, in this moment, with opportunity in a difficult economy. how grateful i am for what’s ahead. and yet, there’s a deep, gutted feeling that won’t leave. i am leaving home for the first time. and maybe forever. this home is all i’ve ever known. i grew up here. my whole life fits into this place. a six person family squeezed into what should have been a two person bedroom. constant chaos. constant sound. my grandparents next door. the smell of my mother’s cooking permanently living in the walls. neighbors who feel like family. my best friend less than ten minutes away, always close enough to show up whenever i’m happy, sad, or breaking.

and now i’m moving. life won’t be the same after this. i know that. i feel it settling into my chest. the excitement and the fear exist at the same time, neither canceling the other out.

i am scared.