late night thoughts

april 15, 2026

so it’s 2:58 am right now. i have lots on my mind. im listening to ribs—a song my best friend recommended because it reminds her of us. currently i don’t have a job—actually for once i dont have a job (for the summer). during my free times i still apply to FT jobs in New York. i imagine what my life would look like right now if i accepted that ranch job i got in Utah for the season but decided ultimately not to because i was to spend my last few months with my family before oil move. i babysat. yesterday i babysat a family 6 hours for $250 which i thought was a good deal. i run and take care of my body. do a lot of window shopping because i want to save up for one last good trip in July. i think of my past, present, and future a lot. i think of moving away from this beautiful state after growing up in it my whole life. how much i dread that road trip i will have with my dad for 13 hours while he help me move into my new home while we reminisce on my childhood. then the thoughts of leaving all my friends too. my sweet sweet friends whom i love so incredibly much. then i think of what i can do for myself right now. physically and mentally. i remember getting sick every 2 weeks during the winter months of 2025 due to working 3 jobs so i can live out my dream. which i did. as i think of my future. it’s so big. and unimaginable. it’s unlimited and i think—well i want to be destined for greater. and with how hard im pushing, i think i will be.